Cute Birthday Jokes

"When's your birthday?"
"April 22."
"What year?"
"Every year!"

Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeast on his birthday?
A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"

Q: What do you say to a cow on her birthday?
A: Happy Birthday to Moo!

Q: What do you say to a cat on her birthday?
A: Happy birthday to mew!

Q: Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
A: It was a flappy one!

Q: Did you hear about the tree's birthday?
A: It was a sappy one!

Q: Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
A: It was a tappy one!

Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
A: "Hi, Buster."

Q: What does a clam do on his birthday?
A: He shellabrates!

Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?
A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A: Angel food cake, of course!

Q: What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake?
A: Shortcake!

Q: What do you always get on your birthday?
A: Another year older!

Q: What is your favourite type of present?
A: Another present!

Q: Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?
A: No, they both burn shorter!

Blonde Tiptoe Joke

Why did the blonde tiptoe around the medicine cabinet?

So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Two Women In Heaven

Two women arrive at the Pearly Gates and are comparing notes about how they died.

The first woman: I froze to death.

The second one: Ugh! How awful!

The first one: Yeah, but it really wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I started to get warm and sleepy, and finally I went and drifted off and died a peaceful death. How about you?

The second one: I died of a massive, horribly painful heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, and so I went home early to try and catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den reading the paper.

The first one: Yeah? And so what happened?

The second one: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house checking around. I ran up to the attic and looked around, and then I went down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and cupboard, every nook and cranny, and I even checked under all of the beds. And I kept it up until I had looked everywhere, but finally I was so exhausted that I simply keeled over with a heart attack and died.

The first one: Too bad you didn't look in the damn freezer--we'd both still be breathing.

Poor Paul

A man gets on the train. As it starts away he runs to the window and yells at the couple who have brought him to the train station:

"See you Paul. And hey, I loved the weekend! And your wife sure was good in bed! Really good, actually!!!"

Confused and curious, the passanger sitting next to him just has to ask:

"Please excuse my curiosity, but did you just tell that man outside that his wife was good in bed?

The man blushes and mutters:

"To be honest with you, she was really bad. But I didn't have the heart to offend the poor guy."